Ms Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

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Dear Counsellor,

My son is 3yrs old. He is very stubborn. He negotiates a lot (really a lot) with us when we advise him/ or ask him to do something. And to make him to do even the routines is very difficult task. He simply says "NO" when we ask to him perform something like go to washroom before going to bed, remove your shoes before entering the hall and do not play in washroom. 

Honestly speaking no respect to our kind advises pleas. He rarely responds positively when we communicate to him in a very joking manner. He does not show interest in finishing his homework with his mother and waits until I reach. The results in a delay in dinner and going to bed, which again delays the morning wake-up. As our patience reaches a level we are forced to slap or pinch him to remove the anger. 

Rarely he misbehaves in the public places. He says no to my wife when she tries do those necessary for such baby of his age. He avoids his mother, which is very distressing for me and for my wife. My wife just cannot hug him even for a second. No mother in the world can tolerate it. But one thing, he is intelligent and very sharp. 

Really it is disturbing for us in addition to the stress that we come across in Dubai. Health-wise except for low hemoglobin count for which we are treating him some tonic prescribed by the doctor and frequent cough and cold which he suffers (which is quite normal as he started going to school 4-5 months ago), no issues. Could you please advise us as to how to handle the current situation. Srrikanth, Dubai

I can feel your distress through your mail to me. On a positive note, I am  glad that your son is so well behaved in public.  This is often the toughest part to handle. Children at this age only respond to rewards or consequences when learning appropriate behaviors. 

There are several behavior modification techniques you can adopt for this purpose. You can use a star chart program that is mentioned in some of my answers to pervious queries. Identify a maximum of 3 unacceptable behaviors and explaining the same to your son. 

Every time he displays one of those behaviors he loses a star and by the end of every two days if he manages to keep most of the stars he gets a reward like extra TV time etc. You could also try withdrawing a privilege if he loses more stars than desired like loss of his favourite dessert or TV program. 

In this way you are empowering your child to make right choices and bear consequences for the choices he chooses to make. Children misbehave often to get their way and exert power. Avoid getting into a power struggle with your son. He has to know that you are in charge and you are not going to keep explaining yourself or argue with him once rules are set. And bear in mind that hitting rarely achieves long-term results and in fact most kids get immune to it and stop responding totally to parental commands. Let me know if this works or else we could design another technique since all children are unique and respond to different ways behavior modification ways.  All the Best!

Dear Counsellor,

Please suggest a website for problems faced by working women with kids under 5.  Dr. Zarish, Dubai 

Following are some websites on the topic you requested:
http://www.momsrefuge.com/
http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/working-parents/34415.html
http://www.motheratwork.co.uk