Holiday wives languish in India as husbands vanish abroad

LUDHIANA, India - Baljeet Kaur gave her life savings and a scooter as dowry to marry Harvinder Singh in 1986 with the promise she would leave India’s farm state of Punjab and join him in Canada where he drove a taxi.

A few weeks later, after pocketing 400,000 rupees (8,510 dollars), Singh went back to Canada, promising his then 24-year-old pregnant bride he would return for her within a year.

“But he never come back,” Kaur said. “Whenever I asked my in-laws about him, they used to beat me and tell me to get lost. After a couple of years, I moved to my mother’s house. My son doesn’t even know who his father is.”

Kaur is one of an estimated 16,000 women in the Punjab who have been abandoned by suitors working abroad who come back home briefly in hopes of finding a wife who can pay a dowry.

Social activists have noted the extent of such quickie marriages and are waging a battle for compensation and justice.

“It’s a very planned crime by the entire family,” said Adarsh Sharma of the National Institute of Public Cooperation and Child Development (NIPCD) which is investigating the cases.

“What usually happens is that these boys come home for a holiday during which they get married after taking loads of money as dowry -- money that would help them abroad. After some time, the grooms go back and the girls begin an endless wait.”

Most of the suitors are working as taxi drivers, electricians, waiters and gas station attendants in the United States, Canada, Britain and the Gulf countries, Sharma said. A majority of them are Sikh, the largest expatriate Indian community.

At a recent seminar in Ludhiana, a bustling textile hub in north India and the epicentre of this scourge, dozens of deserted wives gathered to discuss their common woes and seek solutions and solace.

“You should be united and strong,” Sharma told the women, many of whom are in their early 20s and 30s. “You should feel each other’s pain. Women are such a power that they can do anything. Don’t lose hope.”

Still, many say they were forced to work as slaves by in-laws, beaten and eventually sent back to their mothers.

“Only I know how I spent all these years. Initially I used to wait for the doorbell to ring, hoping he would come and take me but now I want justice. I want him punished,” said Kaur.

Sharma noted parents are eager to marry daughters to a suitor who works abroad because the salary and lifestyle in many cases would be better than in India. The suitors have a lust for the potentially huge dowry and the groom’s parents see the daughter-in-law as a source of support in old age.

“In many cases, either they are already married abroad to foreigners or have girlfriends,” she added.

After a while, when it is sure they have been deserted, the women return to their mothers’ homes. Some muster enough strength to fight a legal battle while others just let it go.

According to the co-director of the National Institute of Public Cooperation and Child Development, K. K. Singh, the women have a plethora of legal rights under the Hindu Marriage Act, including the ability to file for divorce.

They can seek the return of their dowry, and make cases of harassment, torture and subjugation against their spouses. They can also ask for judicial separation and maintenance money or plea for the restoration of conjugal rights.

In some cases, international marriage laws are also applicable.

“But the problem is that the bride grooms are mostly NRIs (non-resident Indians) and are living abroad. They don’t respond to the summons,” Singh said.

At the Ludhiana support meeting, the women narrated their sordid sagas -- how they woke one day to find their husbands gone and their lives in tatters.

Gurprinder Singh’s husband left her to work in a restaurant in Spain after taking money from Singh’s father. Recently, he allegedly came back to Ludhiana and remarried after taking another huge dowry.

Showing pictures of the remarriage, the 30-year-old said she was now trying to get a case registered against him.

“He is hiding in Ludhiana waiting for a visa to go back but police are not arresting him. I want to teach him a lesson,” Singh said.

Rajvinder Kaur’s husband vanished for years in Dubai soon after marriage and when he was traced, he asked Kaur to send him 700,000 rupees (14,893 dollars) for a divorce.

“I wanted to end it. I wanted a divorce but the blighter said he will not give me a divorce till I deposit 700,000 rupees in his account. I have filed a case to teach him a lesson,” she said. - AFP