How children discover fibbing 

DUSSELDORF - Fibbing is fun. From an early age children try to lead their elders up the garden path by telling them tales that are not true. “The nice thing about fibbing is that it can play a role in how reality is represented,” says Carl Heese, a psychologist at the Catholic University in the German town of Eichstaett.

This kind of behaviour, however, provides a challenge for parents. Children are testing their intelligence and powers of persuasion, drawing a great deal of pleasure by fooling the adults.

This is true even though children are in general poor liars, for lying is definitely an acquired rather than innate skill.

“The first untruths my children told me were in answer to the question whether they had done anything in their nappies or not,” says Simone Dietz, a professsor of philosophy in Dusseldorf, in a recent book.

She concludes that there are morally legitimate lies, depending on the purpose the liar has in mind.

Manfred Boensch, who teaches education at the University of Hanover, believes children often fib as a result of carelessness or simply because they see the world differently to their parents.

For example, children tend to see playground wrestling as merely pushing and shoving, not as a fight, although teachers and parents may disagree.

'Explaining the world'

Children have a different way of “explaining the world”, Boensch says.

A study of 108 young people aged from six to 17 by academics Renate Valtin from Berlin and Sabine Walper from Munich concludes that the reasons for lying vary with age.

Younger children tend to fib to place themselves in a favourable light amongst their peers, boasting of their achievements, while adolescents are more likely to lie to get out of trouble or avoid uncomfortable situations.

Conflict with figures of authority is often the reason for adolescents to lie.

Experts in the field stress the need to differentiate. “There is fibbing, evasion and boasting and then there are bare-faced lies,” Boensch says.

“If children tell untruths relating to whether or not they have done their homework or brushed their teeth, parents can quite happily respond that they are fibbing,” the professor thinks.

Things become more difficult when a pledge is broken or serious deception is the aim.

“When the little fibs become real lies and an atmosphere of mistrust results, parents must take the issue up with their offspring,” he advises.

Find motivation behind lying

Heese believes parents must examine the motivation behind serious lying, adding that examination of the issue can lead on to revealing deeper problems within the family.

Most youngsters know that lying usually has negative consequences for the liar. Valtin and Walper found that they placed a high value on being regarded as trustworthy.

“At some point no one will believe me,” was an argument often advanced by the children and adolescents surveyed, who realized their relationships with others would be affected.

But adolescents are well aware of the need for the occasional ”white lie” for the sake of courtesy, to spare other peoples’ feelings or to prevent embarrassment.

“Lying is part of our social life,” Dietz believes, adding they can be quite legitimate to safeguard privacy, for example.

Heese refers to lies as “the grease of social interaction”. On average a person lies 40 times a day, the vast majority of them white lies to ease everyday life.

“When you tell grandmother that you’re full, instead of blurting out that her cooking is dreadful, you do it to spare her feelings,” Boensch says.

Truth-telling in this instance must take a lower value than the need not to hurt a loved one’s feelings.

“The fact that one does at times have to balance two values can be imparted to children from the age of six,” Boensch believes.

Until that point adults simply have to live with their offspring’s lack of tact and diplomacy.

“The untrammelled truth with which young children often confront adults can be extremely embarrassing, but unavoidable,” Heese says.

Teaching children to tell the truth always, usually backfires at some point or another.

DPA

Photo courtesy: buyindies.com