Disciplining your child effectively – part 3

By Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

In the previous article I gave you an in depth know how of using time-out to discipline your child.  However, in the event that you feel time-out is not possible with your child or your child has passed the age of being given time-out, the following techniques can be used.

Logical consequences as a form of discipline 

Logical consequences for inappropriate behavior can be effective in disciplining children of all ages, especially older children. Logical consequences are those that follow as a result of the child’s poor choice of behavior. 

You can often determine the logical consequence for a given situation if you ask yourself what would happen if you stepped back and didn’t intervene. It is important when using this discipline option to make sure that all caregivers agree with your decision. If mom decides to take Sam to the store to get a few more snacks to tide over until grocery day, Dad’s efforts at using a logical consequence will be undermined. 

Thus it is important to communicate to all caregivers, which consequences are in place on any given day. 

Removal of privileges as a form of discipline 

You can also use the removal of privileges as a form of discipline for your child. A privilege is anything your child favors or desires more than the basic needs that you provide. Privileges can be playing with toys, with video games, or with friends; receiving a special treat; watching TV or attending a social event.

The following 6 guidelines will help increase effectiveness of this strategy.

• Be careful about what you remove. Make certain that whatever privilege you choose to remove can actually be removed. If you remove the privilege of going to a movie, you must get a babysitter for that child if the rest of the family is going. Thus choose a privilege that you can stick to!

• If your rule is that the privilege is lost if your son swears then the first swear word should result in a loss of privilege. Warning him that he will lose the privilege instead of actually removing it will result in an increase of misbehavior, because he knows that you aren’t going to follow through with your threat.

• Limit the length of time that the privilege is withheld. If your daughter uses a swear word at dinner, she loses her computer time after dinner. This should not affect whether she gets the computer next night. The longer you take something away, the more likely you are to forget, give it back, or allow your child to bargain with you to get it back.

• Be prepared to vary the privileges you remove. If your child doesn’t seem to upset about the privilege you remove, try removing a different privilege the next time he misbehaves.

• If your child is socially isolated or has poor social skills, you may not want to remove privileges involving social activities as a discipline strategy. Thus, choose watching TV or video game time as privileges to remove.

• If your child does not seem to have many favored activities or things, removal of privileges may not be affect, and you may want to try a different discipline strategy. Such a child may be depressed or have some other mental health problem; thus, you should seek the help of your pediatrician or a mental health professional.

Some guidelines to be kept in mind to ensure effective discipline are: First, the discipline technique when decided should be begun immediately.

Second, following through with discipline not only shows a child that you are serious about changing her behavior but also causes the child to think and learn from it. No child will take discipline seriously if she knows she can usually talk the parent out of it.

Consistency is the third guideline. This entails using similar discipline for similar transgressions. This will actually make decisions about discipline easier for the parent since future punishment is based on past discipline. It will also give the child a clearer understanding of what behaviors are expected out of him.

Effective discipline helps our child develop empathy and self-control. By persevering in your discipline and using a combination of the alternatives suggested in this article parents can become better role models for their children by teaching them how to control their own misbehaviors. 

Rachna Buxani, with an M.Ed in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A. in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She writes regularly on parenting issues on womenone.org, and answers to readers' queries related to it.

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