Understanding your adolescent
By Rachna Buxani, Counsellor, Delhi Private School, Sharjah

For generations parents have been troubled by the moodiness, impulsiveness and reluctance to take responsibility that is seen in most adolescents. Today, adolescence is even more difficult due to the changing family patterns, confusing role expectations and over exposure. Because adolescence is such a significant phase in a child's life it is thus extremely important for parents to understand what it is all about so that they are better able to support their children.

Adolescence is essentially the period of transition from childhood to adulthood - the years between 12 and 20. It is a time of rapid changes in a child's body, attitudes, values and relationships. Physical changes during adolescence usually include a sudden growth spurt i.e. a dramatic increase in height and weight, development of sex glands and secondary sex characteristics such as breasts in girls and facial hair and voice changes in boys. Most teenagers are highly concerned about their physical appearance. They want to feel attractive. It helps when parents reassure teenagers that their looks are pleasing.

The emotional changes during adolescence are tied to hormonal changes. Temper outbursts, moodiness and irritability are all emotions that are a part of teenager's emotions. Parents have to understand and support their teens through this turbulent phase. Adolescence is also a time when friends play a more important role than parents do in a child's life. Being part of a social group provides teens with a sense of belonging.

Adolescence is a time for trying new things. Experimentation with alcohol and cigarettes during adolescence is common. Teenagers many times get attracted to and get hooked on alcohol and cigarettes due to peer pressure.

Communication between adolescents and parents may seem impossible at times. However, it is essential to keep the lines of communication flowing. Parents can do this by taking an active interest in their teens - their friends and the activities they are involved in. Parents also need to respect the privacy of their adolescents by not prying, opening mail, eavesdropping on phone conversations etc. It is important for parents to express their own values and attitudes on important areas such as alcohol, money, religion. Teenagers need parents with firm convictions, not ones who harp on them continuously.

Listening

Parents also need to listen to their adolescents. They have to pay attention to not only what their teens say, but to what is really meant. They also have to respect the opinions of their children and Listen to them without being judgmental. Also, parents must try to see the point of view of their adolescents even if they don't agree with them and validate their feelings. Healthy relationships between parents and adolescents depend upon:

* Rules and Expectations: Parents should clearly state rules on issues like hours to come home, homework, chores and family and other responsibilities. Parents must make clear what they approve and disapprove of.

* Realizing Independence and Individuality: Parents must recognize their adolescent's need for establishing a sense of independence. Involving them in decision-making is vital.

* Flexibility: Adolescents see things from a fresh slant. Parents may need to rethink about some of their own thinking patterns.

* Avoid Criticism: Since adolescents are not sure about themselves, criticism may be felt as a devastating attack.

* Support: Parents must express trust and confidence in the judgments and decisions of their adolescents.

* Love and Affection: They may not show it, but teens still need parental affection and approval.

Parents need to be sensitive to the pain, pleasures and problems of growing up in a tough, complex world. They need to appreciate the delightful person that their teenager is- self-reliant, strong, smart and wise!

Photo courtesy: castpub.com

Rachna Buxani, with an MEd in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She would be regularly writing on parenting issues on womenone.org and would be providing answers to readers' queries related to it.