Child abuse

By Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

The number of children who are victims of sexual abuse each year is alarming. Yet this subject is touched upon so less. One of my worst nightmares as a counselor is to see the face of a toddler who has been subjected to sexual abuse by a family member or friend.  

The long-term emotional and psychological damage that sexual abuse causes can be crushing for a child.  Victims of sexual abuse have problems trusting others and thus forming meaningful relationships in their lives.  They also start viewing themselves in a negative light. It is thus imperative that the abuse is stopped and the child is provided help as soon as possible.

Child sexual abuse can take place within the family, by a parent, stepparent, sibling or other relative; or outside the home, for example, by a friend, neighbor, childcare person, teacher, or stranger.  No parent can be with a child every second of every day.  Nor, can a child be isolated from people in his or her surroundings.  However, the child can be taught to report when there is trouble so that something can be done to stop any harm from being done. Children of all ages can be victims of abuse.  Thus, the sooner we can prepare our children to deal with the situation the better.

Sometimes, the child has a strong attachment to the predator and thus may find it very difficult to report incidents of abuse.  Also, there are times when the predator may threaten the child if the child tries to break away from the sexual relationship.  When sexual abuse occurs within the family, the child may fear the anger, jealousy or shame of other family members, or be afraid the family will break up if the secret is told.  In these circumstances parents need to be extra vigilant about the signs of abuse including:

• Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
• Sleep problems or nightmares
• Depression or withdrawal from friends or family
• Seductiveness
• Statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
• Refusal to go to school
• Delinquency/conduct problems
• Secretiveness
• Aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
• Unusual aggressiveness or Suicidal behavior

Parents should know whom their children are spending time with. In 90 percent of the cases the sexual predator is someone who the child knows and trusts.  Always, have the lines of communication open with your kids so that they feel free enough to report any such incidences. Take the time to reassure the child that he or she has done nothing wrong. Let the child know that you will do whatever you can to keep him or her safe. Also, let your children know that you love them no matter what.     

Another very important aspect is to give your child enough time and attention so that he or she does not seek it elsewhere.  Lonely and vulnerable children are the perfect targets for sexual predators.  Children who are neglected and not emotionally secure will give in to anything to get that little attention.    

If you suspect that your child is being abused or know that he or she has been a victim in the past provide him or her with professional help in the form of a psychologist or counselor who is trained to help through this difficult phase.

Being believed and protected and the two most important factors that helps children deal with the trauma of sexual abuse. You need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child’s current and future safety because your child counts on you to be there and keep him or her secure!!

Rachna Buxani, with an M.Ed in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A. in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She writes regularly on parenting issues on womenone.or, and answers to readers' queries related to it.

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