Making your home environment pre-teen friendly 

By Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

The preteen years are challenging ones for kids and for parents. As a counselor, I help adolescents daily with these age-related struggles and challenges. The good news is that most kids do make it through adolescence with little or no permanent scars.

However, not without the love and support from their parents. Here are some basics for parents to keep in mind for creating a home environment that is both safe and engaging for their early teens.

Communication

Some preteens, particularly boys, are not used to being open to discussing what is happening in their lives. It's crucial that parents ask their kids to tell them about what they did in and after school. You should ask for and validate your child’s opinions. Sometimes it helps to begin a conversation with a topic that is sure to be of interest to your child such as fashion, sports, or music. Another idea is to plan at least one activity a month with your child of his or her choosing where talking and listening can occur, perhaps at the mall or bowling alley.

Parents need to talk to their kids about the dangers of important issues such as smoking and alcohol. It can be harmful to assume they have all the facts and understand the consequences of experimentation. It is likely, while in middle school your children are exposed to and will be forced to make choices with potential serious consequences. It's only natural that preteens will make some mistakes on their own, rather than listen to words of wisdom from their parents and teachers. Parents need to let their kids know they are there for them and should come to them no matter what problem they may be experiencing. Even kids from the most stable homes need to be reminded of this.

Homework

Speaking as an educator, I can assure parents that most middle school students will be assigned some homework to do nightly. Parents should ask their children about homework and provide support and a favorable environment for studying.

It's helpful to set up a spot and time in your home for homework doing. A routine should be set up to encourage responsibility and study habits. You can be involved in setting up the routine for your child, which will only reinforce your commitment to your child's education. If your child claims never to have homework, you should call to arrange a conference with his or her teachers and not wait for the next report card even if the child has historically been a good student.

TV

Let's face it, a lot of what is being presented in the media these days is not what we want our very impressionable kids watching. Try to watch TV with your kids in a common area of the home. In my opinion, children don't benefit from having a television in their own rooms. If it's not always feasible to watch TV as a family, parents should at least be aware of what their kids are soaking up from TV.

Television can be a great teaching tool for letting your children know what you value and consider responsible choices and behavior. Parents can involve their kids in setting certain hours for TV watching in the home. If kids are in front of the TV all afternoon and all weekend, that means, they aren't doing their homework or getting exercise and fresh air.

Internet

Even more so than television, we need to monitor and perhaps limit Internet access to our kids. Many homes now have computers, but again, we should think twice about letting our kids have Internet access in their bedrooms. All is not good on the Internet for our kids. Besides being a constantly updated resource of invaluable information, the Internet also contains a lot of negative messages. It can even put our children at risk for child predators and abusers. Parents need to be proactive and make the Internet an amazing resource and learning tool without letting it be harmful to their children.

During the early years of childhood, parents are very concerned with making a safe physical surrounding for infants, toddlers and preschoolers. As children grow and their needs change, we must remind ourselves that our goals actually remain the same, that is, to keep our kids safe and thriving. We want them to do their best and avoid what is potentially harmful to them. Children of all ages need boundaries and guidance. Open and continuous communication as well as a safe and engaging home life will help ensure preteens positive growth and happiness!

Photo courtesy: amarillo.com

Rachna Buxani, with an M.Ed in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A. in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She would be regularly writing on parenting issues on womenone.org and would be providing answers to readers' queries related to it.

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