Managing your child's behaviour away from home

By Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

All behaviour programs almost break down when away from home. Many parents are found frustrated because their little ones just won’t give up in a supermarket or amusement center. The most important step in dealing with this very distressing situation is to be sure not to relax your discipline efforts simply because you are distracted by other activities at hand.

It is not uncommon when you are at the check out counter of the grocery store for your toddler to reach out for a candy bar.  At this point you must take the candy bar away and in a neutral voice say something like, “No, Jack. You are not allowed to take candy from there.” DO NOT give in to the resulting tantrum, no matter how embarrassed you are, and you will teach a very valuable lesson.  However, if you give it back to him or keep it you are teaching him to do the same thing the next time he has the opportunity. 

Don’t worry about what other people are thinking-just concentrate on getting your child’s behavior under control while he’s still young enough to handle.  I know this is easier said than done however at this moment you have no other alternative. If you are faced with having to discipline your child while in a store or any other public place, you can just carry your toddler out of the store and into the car till he calms down and then go back for the stuff. 

At no cost must you give into his tantrums, which will ensure that the happening occurs again. Once the consequence is served and he is calm, you may acknowledge his feelings by saying something like, “I know you love candy, but that does not mean you take it without getting permission to do so.  The rule is you ask for what you want and mommy decides whether you get it this time or the next.”

If your child is older, take a moment to explain the rules before entering a public place.  Tell him, for example, that you are going to the store to purchase some food for dinner tonight and that you will not be buying anything for him.  You can also tell him that you understand how much he may want something during the shopping trip, but that has to wait for another time. Tell him to please stay close to you and keep his hands off items in the store.  Then when you are shopping, talk frequently with him and thank him for doing as you have asked. You could also offer him a reward based on his conduct in the store. For example, you could tell him that if he stays close to you and does not touch anything you will allow him to watch cartoons for a half hour extra.

Another way to avoid tantrum scenes is by encouraging and keeping your child involved in helping you shop throughout the trip and unload the cart at the end.  Hand the items to him one at a time so that he can drop them into the cart. This will keep him occupied.

Public outing with your child can be pleasant experiences if you keep in mind that your child is learning the whole time he is there and you are the one most responsible for what he learns.  You must teach your child not only about the types of fruits at the grocery store, but also how to be polite and follow directions when there.  If you successfully impart to your child the basic behaviors expected of him when at public places you can surely make every trip an enjoyable and learning experience!

Rachna Buxani, with an M.Ed in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A. in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She writes regularly on parenting issues on womenone.or, and answers to readers' queries related to it.

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