How to handle children who swear

By Rachna Buxani, Counselling Services Coordinator, GEMS group of schools

It’s really shocking for parents to hear their innocent and sweet children suddenly one day start using swear words as part of their conversation.  This is a highly prevalent problem that often perplexes parents who are lost on how and why the child’s vocabulary has suddenly expanded to include these atrocious words.

Usually children begin swearing when the hear adults doing it.  We all know that kids are like sponges who absorb everything that they see and hear in their environment. They may be copying mom, dad, any other adult, a sibling or friends at school.  Sometimes children also swear to get attention.  Younger kids are looking for their parent’s attention and swearing is one surefire way of getting it. Teenagers sometimes swear in order to “fit in” or be part of the group.  If their friends are all doing it then they feel like they have to do it too.  They often believe that it is supercool to swear!!

The first thing to do when you observe your child swearing is check your own language.  It is not fair to expect your children not to use these words if you are regularly using them.  Kids always model parent behaviors, thus if you want them to monitor their language, you have to monitor yours.

Look for sources

If you are not the one using bad language try to look into the other sources that might be influencing your child’s language like Television, Friends, Neighbours or Relatives.  Try to keep your child away from the source as far as possible.  If your child is picking up bad language at school or in the bus, speak to the school authorities about what they can do to help.

Establish clear rules about swearing with your child.  Make it clear to your child that such words are not permissible at home.  If your child is using these words when angry, try to teach him or her healthy ways of expressing emotions especially when they are frustrated or angry. This is especially true for younger children who most likely don’t understand the meaning of the words they use. Also, explaining to children the meaning of the words usually makes them stop since they now understand the vulgarity of the expressions.

Don’t feed in your child’s bad habit.  If your kids are swearing in order to get attention, yelling at them or reprimanding them in any other way is just going to increase the frequency of the behavior.  A calmer approach usually works here.  Ignore your child’s behavior at that time and instead give him or her attention when behaving in a desired manner.

Praise goes a long way

Praise is also a very powerful tool for parents to use to help their kids get over the habit of swearing.  Study after study has shown that if a child is praised for a specific behavior, it is more likely to happen again.  Thus, praising good and appropriate language will increase the frequency of its occurrence.

An excellent technique to help children stop swearing is to use the ‘swear box’. Explain to your kids that every time they swear they have to drop some money out of their savings into the box. This very often helps children keep a check on the use of swear words.

Children typically outgrow this pattern in time. However, sometimes children need a bit of outside help to get over this habit. Talk to your child’s school counselor for some if your efforts are not paying off. It is always all right to seek help of others when you feel the situation is out of your hands.

It is very distressing for parents to hear their kids use language that is inappropriate.  Parents have an obligation to raise their kids properly by teaching them the right values.  Educate your children about the power of language and the effect it can have on the people around them.  It is not easy being a good parent, we all know this, but we need to try our best to understand our children and guide them in their formative years in order for them to have a comfortable future!!

Photo courtesy: news.bbc.co.uk

Rachna Buxani, with an M.Ed in School Counseling from Suffolk University in Boston and a B.A. in Psychology with a concentration in Child and Youth from Eastern Connecticut State University, USA has specialised in Middle and High School Counseling. Rachna's expertise is in assessment and management of problems related to adolescence. She would be regularly writing on parenting issues on womenone.org and would be providing answers to readers' queries related to it.

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Readers respond

Do you really think swearing by youngsters can be controlled ? Seems to be endemic. And no cure in sight, in spite of your well-intentioned article.

Kiran Ashtekar, Dombivli

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